i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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