so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
