Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
