I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
