you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
