Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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