Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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