She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
high people should be assigned attendants
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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