how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
