drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
