you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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