Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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