Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm like, not good at living.
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