I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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