32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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