I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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