I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just googled if crying burns calories
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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