Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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