God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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