i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
