I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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