Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
