guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
