Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
