she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ttyl tear gas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
