guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
