We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
