I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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