those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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