part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
