I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
