i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
why is half of my head shaved?
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