Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
