remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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