just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
