my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
