On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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