The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
