Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
