I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
