I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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