Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
