Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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