i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
