My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
