____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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