i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
