No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
