Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
