shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk is not a location!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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