Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
