You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
