I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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