Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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