Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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