I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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