Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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