If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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