i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
