girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
