We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
