The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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