Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have demons in me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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